Now what?

Well, it appears that toy season is going to go bust again for me this year. I had really hoped to get my act together, but alas, I don't think it is meant to be. I really, really want to get out of debt. I want to get all these stupid bills paid. So my prayer is now to find a source of income for myself, so we can just stop spinning our wheels. I feel very lost. :(

Huge prayer of thanks!

Wow! This was a miracle!

My youngest daughter has a stuffed pony that she absolutely adores. She's had him since she was 6 months old. His name is Mr. Horsey (or as she calls him now, Regular Horsey). Well, somehow Mr. Horsey went missing and in retracing our steps on the day he was missing, I decided to try and go back to the grocery store where we had been, just in case someone had picked him up in the store or the parking lot. I really had lost hope at this point and I feared the worst. But he was there! Praise God! Some kind soul realized the value of a small stuffed horse, whose tail is gone. His mane looks like a mowhawk, and he has a torn ear from where the new puppy got a hold of him, and his hoof is stitched up from where he was losing stuffing....but he was and still is my daughter's favorite, and she was a very, VERY happy child when I gave him back to her.

I will always, ALWAYS be thankful for this small, yet very BIG, miracle!

So much going on!

Wow, lots of praise reports!

Was pulled over for speeding (oops!) but only received a warning...

Harry managed to find 3 spark plugs and changed them out in my van, and now the van runs great...so we can put off the full tune-up for now.

Was approved for toy selling on Amazon, after they had disqualified me earlier in the day...

Got approval for another dropship account with a reputable company that has strict requirements...

Also need some prayers:

I had two sales for one of my dropship items, only to find out that those items were discontinued, even though on the website it said they were in stock. I was so upset! I took all of their listings off (this was the one where the emails were going into cyberspace...maybe I should have given up on that one.), refunded the two buyers, and am hoping that they don't leave negative feedback.

Need prayers that I can pay my Ebay fees so I don't lose my account. I had counted on some sales to make that happen, but it hasn't happened yet. And this was a short paycheck this week, because we had to pay the mortgage.

God is in control!

It got a little worse....

I remember an old Bill Cosby routine titled "Never challenge 'worse'", and today is so far one of those days...

Still no sales of any of my new items, and now the "check engine" light came up on my van. My husband ran the code at the auto store and it said it was a "misfire on cylinder 2", which is an engine problem. Great.

Harry ran the numbers and it will be about $200 to do a tune-up, which should take care of the problem, hopefully. Problem is, we don't have $200 now, and payday is not until Friday. Praying that the van can hold until Friday.

In the meantime, I've made the decision that I'm putting my Ebay store on vacation for a week and am going to take that time to try and get this house in some sort of order. I feel a leading to get the focus off of increasing income and just using my energy to cleaning up in the house.

On the good side of things, I have enough groceries to last until payday, so that helps.

Sorry to whine....

But I just feel like I have to get this out.

We are drowning here. Financially. Spiritually. Emotionally. I'm ready to raise the white flag.

My house is a total trash heap. I am hopelessly disorganized. Molly is still in a crib (she'll be 4 this month), because we haven't saved up the money to get her a new mattress. Ruth is on a mattress on the floor, because we never did save up for a box spring. Heck, we are on a mattress on the floor because we threw out the hopelessly broken box springs and did not save up for new ones. We owe the hospital about $1,500 from Harry's sleep study, we owe a total of other debt of about $18k, most of which is sitting with collection agencies, who are simply waiting under the radar for a chance to attack. The phone rings all the time.

We have, above all else, an income crisis. Harry is on salary, so the only increase we can get from his income are bonuses that he is eligible for, but those do not happen on a regular basis. For me to work full time would mean after school care for everyone, and by the time you add up the $$ for that, we would probably be breaking even. I was hoping to do well at Christmas with toy sales, but with the economy being what it is, who knows if that will happen.

Please don't get me wrong, I know that there are others who are a lot worse off than we are, and I am very thankful that we do have a home, Harry has the best job he's had since we've been married, we are all healthy. But it seems that no matter what we do or what we've done in the 12 years we've been married, we have always been in some sort of financial crisis, and I'm just tired of it.

None of this is God's fault, obviously. We have no one to blame but ourselves. I'm praying that we are finally able to turn the corner and really change the direction of our lives.

Thanks for listening to me whine.

Sometimes I just don't get it.....

A couple of posts back, I mentioned that I had found a couple of dropship opportunities that looked like they could prove to be profitable. One of the companies got me started right away...I listed some items on Ebay, even used Featured Plus on a couple of them....and....

nothing.

Now, to be honest, I don't have a lot listed yet, so I know that's part of it, but gosh, not even one sale? What is up with that?

Now, the second company, I emailed their rep, she sent me some information in PDF form to fill out, so I print it, fill it out, scan it and email it back.


nothing.

So, I wait a day, and re-email the rep. She's very nice, said she didn't receive it to go ahead and email it again, so I did.


nothing.

This time, after waiting a day, I give her a call. She's confused, too..she still hasn't gotten it, it hasn't bounced back to me, so she gives me an alternate email to use. I send it again.


nothing.


At this point, I'm starting to ask "What is God trying to say to me?"

So since all the emails are going to a cyperspace black hole, she asks me to fax over the information. So I fax it through an email-to-fax service, because I don't have a fax machine. I decide to call and make sure that the fax actually came through. I joke with the rep who answered the phone that I wondered what God was trying to tell me. She replied, very nicely, "Hmm...maybe not to give up?" "Yeah," I said, "I have a tendency to just give up after the first couple of trys."

I admit fully to God that I am dense. I don't get it. You have to spell it out for me sometimes.

So do I keep going? Just list like heck on Ebay and pray that something sells? If not, then what else I am supposed to do?

I just don't get it.

More election prayers

Continued prayers for our country and the new President which we will elect tomorrow.

Another praise report!

I am so happy! I heard back from two of my dropship companies, and as soon as I get my sales tax certificate, I will be approved. YAY!!! These are legit companies, they are the manufacturers, not the middlemen. I think they will sell well, so we shall see. I really think we are headed in the right direction, and it feels good. Praise God!

Follow up and praise report!

Just a follow up and praise report to my Paypal dispute....

I was all set this morning to refund my buyer, but realized that I was short on time, so I decided to do it after dropping off the kids at school. I logged on to find that my buyer had closed the dispute - she had just received the item today! And she left positive feedback right away on Ebay. Thank you, Lord!

Developing a spirit of giving

I am ashamed to admit that our family has not developed a spirit of generosity over the years. :( I've been praying for a way for us as a family to start giving more, and to actually make giving a priority. When the paycheck comes, it's always been bills first, and whatever is left over...well...who knows were it goes... But that has to change! I can feel it in the family - we have become selfish in our individual selves as well as selfish as a family. We argue more - we don't think of others. Ugh.

So today our church message was "Rethinking Christmas". The church is partnering with local ministries in order to help them with their needs. I just downloaded the PDF file from the church website which has ways to help, and I'm praying for us to incorporate this into our family.

Praying for a giving spirit!

Prayers for a family from church...

A member of my church was arrested for criminal solicitation of a minor. :( The man's wife was the one who helped me on my first day of attending this church (it's a big mega-church) with getting the kids in the right Sunday School class, etc. I feel so sorry for all involved - I cannot imagine how his wife is feeling right now. Praying for all the families involved.

Income potential...

I've stumbled across a couple of reputable dropship companies that look like they might do well over the holidays. I am going to apply for my sales tax resale certificate with the state this coming Friday (when we next get paid), and then I'm going to apply with those companies to be an authorized dealer. Praying that this works out! We really need to increase income before we can tackle our Dave Ramsey Baby Steps and also get this house in order.

Election Prayers

I'm praying very much for our country for our upcoming presidential election. I won't bore you with who I am going to vote for (although many readers who know me know who I am voting for LOL), but suffice to say that I think this is the most important election in my voting lifetime. There are a lot of issues on the table, a great many issues that I hold near and dear to my heart. My prayer is that Americans will get out to vote, to have their voices heard.

Crisis averted.....for now.....

Today, Mom put money into our checking account. (We bank with a national bank, and she has a branch near her.) So our financial crisis fire has been put out for now, but it's going to keep smouldering until we get some more income coming in.

I really don't know how I feel about it. Mom said not to worry about it, that she has put aside a small sum of money for her trip up here in December, so she was just going to take less, so it was ok with her. She said she doesn't mind helping, because some day she may need help, too.

But it still bothers me - did God allow for this to happen, or did I somehow not have enough faith that he was going to come through with some other means? I'm reminded of this old story:

A man is stranded on his roof during a mighty storm. The area is flooded. He cannot move. He prays to God to rescue him. An hour passes and a man in a small boat rows past. “Hop it”, says the oars man. No says the man on the roof, “God will rescue me”.

Sometime later a bigger boat appears and then a helicopter. Both are greeted with the same response “I’ll wait for God to rescue me.”

The man dies of hypothermia. He reaches the gates of heaven and greets God with anger. “I prayed for help and you ignored my prayer!”

“I did answer your prayer,” says God, “I sent you two boats and a helicopter!”

So, perhaps Mom was supposed to be the one helping this time.....

Be patient...be patient.....

Just after posting my last entry, I was hit with a Paypal dispute that put my Paypal account into the negative. Panic reared it's ugly head again. Ugh. No panicking, no panicking.....God is in control. Deep breath....

A Lamp Unto My Feet

As I was in the car going to pick up Molly from preschool, I was struck by a wave of panic. No money for Ebay fees, no money for the water bill - would Ebay try to debit my acccount, and then Bank of America would return it and slap me with a $25 returned item fee? What if we can't pay the water bill by the 27th - when would they turn the water off? On and on and on....what if,what if, what if???? It was at that point that something I read many years ago came to mind. I tried to Google it to get the exact quote, but wasn't able to, so let me paraprhase. It was spoken by Dr. James Dobson, on a Focus on the Family recording about discerning God's will in our lives.

"God said he would be the lamp unto our feet - he did not say that he would be the light shining 100 feet down the track."

That gave me some perspective. So often I get caught up in what's in the future, and get so impatient. And then panic sets in. But our needs have been met for today, through God's grace. There's no reason to panic. God is in control!

Prayers for a gift for Mom

This might come across as a silly prayer request, so bear with me.

I must admit, I have not been a "very good" daughter when it comes to Christmas for Mom. She visits us yearly at Christmas time from Florida, and since everyone is in some sort of financial bind, we've always said to just concentrate on the kids for Christmas presents. Well, inevitably, poor Mom will get quite a bit for me and Harry, and we haven't gotten a lot for her. I want this to change this year.

Mom is a big opera fan. I found out that there are going to be some live simulcasts of some opera performances from The Metropolitan Opera House being broadcast in movie theaters. I want to get tickets for this for Mom, and also a gift card for a nice dinner beforehand. Since Mom does not drive much, I would need to look into getting some kind of car service to take her to the performance and to dinner. I really think she would enjoy this. I already kind of hinted at this to her, because I need to get an idea of what opera she would like to see.

As an aside, I have fond memories of my Mom listening to "Live from the Met" on the radio on Saturday afternoons when I was a kid. At the time, it kind of drove my Dad and I kind of batty, because neither of us liked opera, but looking back, I do miss those times. A few months ago, I was with the kids in the van, scanning through channels on the radio, and we came across "Live from The Met". The kids seemed to like it! Opera? My kids? I guess I'll have to try and find it again with the kids and see if it was a fluke. LOL

I messed up....:(

I really didn't want to say anything to Mom at all, but Mom does not take no for an answer, so I did mention our financial difficulty, and of course, immediately she said she would look to see if she could help. Sigh. I hate myself sometimes, I really do. I told her "Look, I'm sorry I brought this up....please, please don't put yourself into a hole. As much as I would love the help, please look after yourself, ok?" I hope she will.

Lead us not into temptation....

It is extremely tempting to call my poor mother, YET AGAIN, to ask for help. The past couple of times I've asked, I've always said I would pay her back on the next paycheck, and yet the next paycheck would come up short. :( I owe my mother so much, and yet she never complains, God love her. She is not really able to help anyway -she's on a fixed income, she has little to no savings. I should be helping her, not the other way around! Praying that I can keep my mouth shut tonight during our nightly phone call. One word about this financial crisis and she will try to see if she can help, and put some money in our checking account. No, no, no, I cannot do it. I cannot keep leaning on her like this, it is just NOT RIGHT.

On another note, still praying that some sort of funds will arrive before Ebay hits our checking account for fees. It is such a vicious cycle - I usually pay my Ebay fees as I go along, but this time we had to use any and all funds from Ebay for groceries in between paychecks, so I fell behind in keeping up with Ebay fees. Ugh, ugh, ugh. If I could postpone it, I would, but I have my Ebay account linked with our check card, and I can't change it to manual billing (or whatever it's called). It's been tempting, too, to update the Ebay billing with a check card from another account that we seldom use, in the hopes that it will be denied and it will buy me some time, but that seems dishonest, too. :(

Give us this day our daily bread.....

Finances are at the top of the prayer list again. Seems as if I can't budget correctly, so now we are short on cash for the remaining groceries for the next week and a half, Ebay fees, the girls school photos (money due October 23), gasoline for my van, the water bill (due October 27 before being disconnected), and DH won't get paid again until October 31. Prayers that we can make it through until then...

The Beginning

So, not being a blogging person, why do I want to start a blog? I don't know your guess is as good as mine. I like to write - I need to pray more, so maybe this will be a good combination? Writing and praying....hmmm....

I guess my purpose in writing this is to show people how God is working in my life as well as my family's life. Prayer is a powerful thing, and I haven't really been doing much of it these days. So perhaps this will bring accountability on my part.

So, without further adieu, welcome to my Online Prayer Notebook.